Day 5 - Can Millie keep me from eating Oreos

Vitals
231 fasting sugar
Weight - not today senor
Feeling:  word of the day - Foreboding.
Also, tentative and a bit sscared.  Like I have to  go to work today and I'm dreading it..  And I don't want to give up my tools for running away from feelings.  I'm happy now, and the thought of digging up bad things I've done or that were done to me makes me anxious and sad. 

7:30 - coffee - lst with sugar, 2nd no sugar
10:30 Breakfast - roasted chicken & 2 deviled eggs
2:30 Lunch - large salad with chicken and peanut/thai dressing
4:00 Snack - Green drink - strawberries, kale, almond milk
6:30 Dinner - chicken with some brown rice
9pm - Tablespoon of peanut butter
2 metformin, bp, chlor, 6 niacin, 10 kidney pills, 3 cups bark-o-tea,

Walk - 1 1/2 with Mr. B
Mr. B's Mood - Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde.  Plays with Millie, but by night time hated her.  Jealous.


Millie and I had a delightful night of getting up and down through the wee hours.  I need this.  She actually slept in my gown part of the night and at 5:30am decided it was time to get up to eat.

She LOVES food and screams like I'm killing her when I pick up her finished bowl.  As if screaming before dawn will get her a side of beef.  I feel tentative about loving her.  Like I'm betraying Hank  As a bassett she'll get too big for me to make her my baby.  Milly may be Rowlands dog after all.  But having her bare skin across my chest this morning makes me almost feel like crying - it's so sweet,

I started back on the anti-depressants.  I guess I'm not ready to stop.  I think it was moving into something much worse - like clinical depression.  I'm so happy all the time towards everyone.  And it's genuine.  I'm happy to be with friends.  But being an introvert, it wears me out.  I feel like I could stay in the house forever and probably need that much time to fill the cup that became so empty.

I did great on the health plan yesterday until around 8pm - when I sprung for 12, yes 12 cookies.  Oreos.  What is this with the late eating?  I already had sugar in my coffee this morning.  When I got to a 6.7 on my A1C I had sugar in my coffee but no more sugar after that.  I feel like a failure.  So today, I will try again.  But the answer to the question is NO, Millie did not stop me from eating oreos.  Good news - I just found an Oreo that rolled off the bed - so I only had 11 cookies.

I see Patrick-opath on Wednesday.  After he see's what he's up against, he may show me the door.  Which isn't all bad because there is a New York Pizza restaurant across the street.